The maid of honor just puked.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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