having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
