Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Green mimosas i think yes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
