Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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