You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
