They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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