my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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