who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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