Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
