just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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