its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
