Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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