The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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