I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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