So drunk its hurt
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
