you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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