I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
