i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
