so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
