Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
