Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
