I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
