in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
