Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
