So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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