the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
