Swine flu. Run for my life!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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