I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
