I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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