went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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