smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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