He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know her cup size but not her name....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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