but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
