Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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