i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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