its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
