can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
