well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
