Having a random hookup so left but love u
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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