I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
