she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
