Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
