wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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