Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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