Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
