Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
