Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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