I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
