Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
