What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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